Kitai
by LadyTemeraire
Summary: Companion piece to "Krieger". Based on the concept of the Nation-tans having animal familiars/companions. This one is Japan-centric and spans a long period of history. Overall rating PG, for angst!history.


A/N: I'm really, really happy with how this one turned out. I know it deals with sensitive topics, but please, no flames, and read my notes before you comment. Also, it may help to read "Krieger" before you read this one, to get an idea of where this idea came from.

Disclaimer: Not mine, too bad; not mine, so sad.

Kitai

_Hope is the thing with feathers  
__That perches in the soul  
__And sings the tune without the words  
__And never stops at all_

Kiku squeezed his eyes shut, pretending he could not hear the sounds of arguing through the rice-paper walls.

Korea was fighting with _aniki_ again. Over what, Japan wasn't sure, but he could hear raised voices. China's was rapidly getting more and more strident, whereas Yong Soo's just sounded angry. When he heard Taiwan's tearful pleading to _please stop fighting_, he shoved himself upright and slipped out the bedroom window.

The silk of his nightclothes whispered against his skin as he pattered towards the woods, hands tucked in his sleeves. It was bad enough having to share Yao's attention with two other Nations-to-be, but the fact that Yong Soo couldn't even get along with him was galling. Nobody asked the Chinaman to take them in, to raise them as his own siblings. Shouldn't they be happy - ?

Kiku scrubbed at his eyes for a moment after he reached the hollow under the fallen tree, trying not to sniffle. "Qing Long?" he whispered. "Are you there?"

After a few worrisome moments of silence, the sapphire dragon's head appeared from the darkness. The turquoise ruff around his face and the mane down his back seemed silver in the moonlight; starlight gleamed in his golden eyes and on the ridges of his horns. Kiku crouched next to him and wrapped his small arms around the muscular neck, burying his face in the silken mane. He whimpered a little and felt Qing Long curl about him protectively, and the gentle gesture undid him completely.

Once the tears had passed, Kiku rested his cheek against the soft hide of the dragon's shoulder. "I don't understand," he confessed quietly. "Why can't Yong Soo and _aniki_ get along? They're always bickering, and I never get to spend time with Yao anymore. A-and he's always taking care of one of us or another, or fighting with the Westerners, and I just can't get along with Taiwan." He sniffed once. "I'm so lonely."

Qing Long thrummed softly, uncoiling just enough to retreat partway into his den. When he re-emerged, he had a golden bird carefully caged in one five-taloned paw.

Kiku accepted the creature hesitantly, eyes widening at the gilded feathers and warmth radiating from it. "I-I can't take this!" he protested, trying to offer it back. "I'm not really a Nation yet -"

The dragon shook his regal head once, pressing the bird back into Kiku's hands. He gave up, bowing deeply with the bird cupped in both hands. "_Arigato_, Qing Long, for your gift and for listening to me."

When he stood upright, the dragon had disappeared.

Kiku looked down at the creature and found himself meeting brilliant scarlet eyes. It blinked once before tilting its head and chirruping softly, crest flaring a little. He touched the feathers gently, wondering at how they seemed to emit heat and faded from gold to crimson at the edges. "You aren't a pheasant," he murmured, half to himself, "at least not a pheasant I've ever seen. Nor a peacock, nor a crane."

Words came floating to him, half-remembered from China's lessons. "Ah... _fenghuang_?" It warbled happily, pleased, and he made an educated guess. "You are... _huang_?"

Another warble. Female, then. He tucked her inside the folds of his clothing and turned back towards the house, feeling her nestle against his chest. In the wide open space just behind the building, he paused for a moment. "May I... May I call you Tomoshibi?"

She hummed in agreement, the feeling vibrating through his ribcage. Kiku stroked the heron-like neck briefly before vaulting through the window, executing a near-silent tuck-and-roll toward his futon. He placed Tomoshibi on one corner of the mattress, sliding carefully under the covers and curling around her. She hummed again before tucking her head under her wing and promptly falling asleep. Kiku smiled, resting a hand on her back, and closed his own eyes as well.

*******

He woke the next morning to China having a heart attack in the doorway.

Tomishibi had scooted out from under the covers and was preening herself on top of his sandals, looking very unconcerned by the presence of another Nation. Yao, who had been startled into falling backward, contrasted this with an utterly panicked and astonished expression. "You," he gasped, "you - _fenghuang_ - where-?"

Kiku blinked sleepily, propping himself up on one elbow. "_Aniki_, it's far too early for riddles," he yawned. "What are you trying to ask me?"

Yao took one very deep breath and exhaled slowly. Then another, for good measure. "Why is there a _fenghuang_ on your sandals, aru?"

The younger Nation glanced at the gold-and-scarlet bird on his shoes. "I probably rolled on her in my sleep."

"Let me rephrase, aru. Where did you find a _fenghuang_, aru?"

"Qing Long gave her to me," Kiku replied, finally sitting upright.

"Qing Lo - Ai_yah_," China groaned, raking a hand through his hair. "I thought I talked to him about this, aru."

Kiku scooped Tomoshibi into his arms, grateful for the extra warmth. "You know Qing Long, _aniki_?" he asked curiously.

"Of course," Yao nodded, scooting forward to carefully pet Tomoshibi's sleek head. "He gave me Huanglong when I was young, aru. I always wondered what he would give you..." He glanced at the dirty soles of Kiku's feet and frowned. "You've been sneaking out again, aru."

The Japanese youth ducked his head. "I didn't want to hear you fighting."

China paused for a moment before sighing softly. "Oh, _Nihon_. I'm sorry you had to hear that, aru." He gathered the younger Nation into his lap, tucking Kiku's head under his chin.

Kiku frowned, stiffening a little. "I thought you said families aren't supposed to fight with each other."

"They're not," China admitted. "That doesn't mean they won't, aru. But you can't give up just because some things are bad, aru."

After a moment, Kiku nodded quietly. "I understand."

"Good." Yao squeezed him gently. "Come on; Taiwan made us breakfast, aru."

***

As time went on, Kiku found himself growing more and more frustrated with his "family". He witnessed China weakening under opium and war, watched his siblings leaved the shamed house for their own. Finally, one night, he quietly packed his bags and set them on a ship, waiting to go out to sea.

He strode back to China's house, Tomoshibi perched on his shoulder. The front door was half-open, allowing him to walk right in; he found Yao slumped on the living room floor. The elder Nation gazed aimlessly into the fire as he brooded over a glass of rice wine.

"I am leaving, China," Kiku intoned solemnly. When China did not respond, he cleared his throat. "Do you understand, Yao? I am going away, to my own land. I will not live with you any longer."

Dull, bloodshot eyes finally drifted up to Kiku's; he resisted the urge to curl his lip in disgust. "The opium, the wars, the trade... you're killing yourself, Yao. You're dragging your empire in the dirt, and I will not allow it to ruin mine as well."

There was no reply. "Goodbye," Kiku murmured, bowing stiffly before turning and moving back the door. China did not attempt to stop him; somehow, Kiku expected that.

What he did _not_ expect was Yao showing up at his door less than a week later, half-hysterical and weeping. "Kiku," he pleaded, "Kiku, please come back, aru."

"I've made my decision," Kiku shook his head, _katana_ bared and ready to defend himself.

"_Nihon, please_," Yao begged, stepping away from Huanglong towards the younger Nation. "Everyone's left me, aru. Don't you leave me too, aru."

"I _will not_ stand by and allow you to bring my country to ruin!" He jerked his chin toward the road that led to the harbor. "Go. Help your people. Come back when you are lucid."

Yao darted forward to grab his wrist. "Kiku-!"

The _katana_ laid his back bare to the bone.

China _screamed_ and dropped to the ground, writhing helplessly as blood soaked through his robes. Huanglong roared, rearing to his full impressive height over Kiku -

- and Tomoshibi burst in front of him in a flash of glory, feathers ablaze with light and heat that sent Huanglong skittering back like a frightened cat.

The dragon gathered the fallen Nation in his talons and fled. Kiku turned towards the house, kneeling fluidly to wipe the blade clean on the grass. Inside, he set the blade on the mounts on the wall and quietly went to his bedroom, bolting the door behind him.

Then he fell to his knees and sobbed as Tomoshibi spread her glowing wings about him.

***

_And sweetest in the gale is heard  
__And sore must be the storm  
__That could abash the little bird  
__That kept so many warm_

"Behave," Kiku whispered to Tomoshibi, even as he fidgeted nervously himself. She chirped pleasantly, settling her wings against her back and letting her tail flare over the cushions. "Vain bird," he teased, smiling when she ignored him completely.

He rested his hands on his thighs to conceal their trembling. He'd been alone for over two hundred years; what if he'd forgotten how to be a good host? What if his guest thought him uncivilized, or rude? What if -

A series of knocks at the door snapped him out of his musings, and he rose fluidly to answer it. "Arthur-san," he greeted the blond behind the sliding screen, bowing politely. "Please, come in."

"Thank you," the Englishman replied, toeing his shoes off just inside the door. Kiku moved to shut the door and jumped at the sight of the massive lion there, though he managed to bite back an undignified yelp. "Oh, Lord," Arthur groaned, mortified. "I'm so sorry - I keep telling him -"

"No, it is fine," Kiku assured him. "He just startled me, that is all. Please - your companion is welcome with you."

They knelt next to the low table, the lion reclining near Arthur. "I trust you are well?" Kiku asked as he prepared the tea. "And your queen, also?"

"Yes," Arthur replied; his voice came out unusually high, and he flushed and coughed. "Er - forgive me if I seem nervous. I... have not done this in quite some time."

"It is quite all right," Kiku shook his head, passing over Arthur's cup as well as a small bowl of sugar. "I myself have not had any visitors in years. Though - "

He broke off suddenly at a soft rustling, and sucked in a soft breath. Tomoshibi had swept down from her perch and was nestled between the lion's front paws, refolding her wings as though nothing was out of the ordinary. The enormous feline seemed completely at ease with such a delicate creature; if Kiku wasn't mistaken, it seemed to be purring.

He offered a small smile to Arthur. "I think we shall be fine," he said quietly, eyes glowing contentedly.

_But we weren't_, Kiku thought bitterly. Time had passed, and whatever he and Arthur had was lost.

He lifted his chin, eyeing the horizon coldly. Somewhere out there, across the ocean, Alfred was speeding his way with everything he had. Tomoshibi shifted on his shoulder, feathers bright and eyes burning with nervous anticipation.

The war had seemed easy at first, almost a joke. He remembered the early days, watching in awe and a bit of envy as Germany swept half of Europe under his control. That power enticed him, drew him out of his reclusive state, gave him courage to strike out against the West. That day, his heart had thrilled with pride watching Tomoshibi soar with the _kamikaze_ as Prussia's eagle flew with the _Luftwaffe_, watching her rain fire down on America's harbor, wings ablaze with his people's nationalism and strength.

But Alfred had stirred, provoked into action, and then leapt into battle himself. Before Kiku knew what had happened, the war in Europe had ended, and America brought his full strength to bear on the island Nation. He dug deep within himself, relying on his people's will to carry him through, fighting chop-and-change tactics throughout the Pacific.

_No more_, Kiku thought to himself. _Your ultimatum means nothing, Alfred. You may be young and fierce, but you lack the strength necessary to break a Nation's will - particularly one who has everything to lose._ He drew himself up, unsheathing the _katana_ in preparation for battle -

- and then the bombs fell on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, and Kiku cried out as his knees shattered and gave way. There was fire - everywhere fire, swirling about him in a mad rushing dance that seemed to suffocate him. Tomoshibi took to the skies, calling the flames to herself in an attempt to save him, glorified as never before. Her body blazed with incandescent light, white-hot fading to gold at the tips of her pinions and tail. But it was too much, too strong; the inferno overwhelmed everything, and Kiku screamed as Tomoshibi and the world around him fell to ashes.

He came to in an unfamiliar bed, half-panicked at his inability to recognize _anything_. Then the searing pain of his burns and broken joints came roaring back like a wildfire, and he made a choked noise of agony as he remembered. There were voices in the room, half familiar, calling his name; but he turned away on his side and curled into himself, crying, because he knew deep down that Tomoshibi was dead.

***

It took him a very long time to be able to walk properly again. There was much work that had to be done to save his mangled joints; that and the recuperation period allowed his muscles to atrophy, leaving him frustratingly weak. In response, he pushed himself as hard as he could in the therapy sessions, even if it left him trembling afterwards.

One day, he pushed himself a bit too far and collapsed on the cold tiles, shivering as they sucked the heat from his frail body. His hands clenched helplessly - he was so _weak_ -

A gloved hand intruded in his line of vision, palm-up. "Here."

He glanced up to see Alfred watching him expectantly, a hint of a smile playing about his lips. Kiku hesitated, hand curled against his chest and not really wanting to stand just yet anyway. "Why are you doing this?" he murmured. "You have nothing to gain from helping me, and no logical reason to do so. Why do you persist?"

Alfred crouched down so they were eye-to-eye. "Maybe I actually care about what happens to people."

Kiku recoiled, eyes wide. "You cannot - why do you say such things?"

"Why do you doubt them?"

"You cannot mean them. I..." He dropped his gaze, fighting to get the words past the lump in his throat. "I've done such awful things. I turned on my family, I attacked innocent people and Nations, I _killed_ -"

"So have I," Alfred pointed out quietly, and struck Kiku dumb. "Doesn't mean you don't deserve to live." He rose, once again extending his hand. "I won't give up on you if you won't."

Kiku met his cobalt gaze, uncurled his fist, and allowed the American to pull him to his feet. Granted, he nearly fell over again, but Alfred wrapped an arm around his waist and helped him hobble back to his room, going so far as to tuck him back into bed. "Don't give up," he repeated as the Oriental Nation slipped into unconsciousness.

When Kiku awoke, hours later, he found a small paper crane on the bedside table with a single golden feather tucked underneath.

***

Decades later, Kiku found himself quietly traversing the woods of his childhood.

He had gotten used to being alone, or as used to it as one could be. Eventually he stopped looking for Tomoshibi in the corner of his room, save on mornings after particularly bad dreams. Heracles, seeing the loneliness and loss in his eyes, had offered him one of Helios' eggs, though Kiku politely refused. Another phoenix would just hurt too badly, and it could never replace Tomoshibi. Besides, he added, the Greek Nation provided him with adequate company (and endless entertainment, though he would never admit it to his face). Heracles had smiled at that, pulling Kiku into a lazy hug that was not entirely unwanted.

Swallowing, Kiku halted in front of the old fallen tree. It was nearly covered in moss and bracken; the hollow was half hidden by overgrowth. "Qing Long?" he whispered, hardly daring to hope. "Are you there?"

There was no answer, nor did the dragon appear. He choked back a sob; one hand instinctively went to the feather in his pocket, the other over his mouth. "I'm sorry," he murmured into the silence. "I messed everything up - I hurt my own family - I couldn't even keep your _fenghuang_ alive. I'm sorry."

"Do not blame yourself, aru."

Kiku jolted suddenly, spinning to face China standing just behind him. "_A-aniki_," he breathed, swiping roughly at his cheeks. "How long -"

"Just a few moments, aru," Yao shook his head. "I saw you slip out here and figured I should follow you, aru. Qing Long is away currently with some of his kind, aru."

"Oh." Kiku shifted in place, feeling a little foolish. "Um. A-about what I said..."

"Hush," Yao soothed him, brushing back his severely-cut bangs. "I know, aru. You don't have to -"

"Yes, I do." Kiku cut him off, though not unkindly, and grasped the older Nation's wrist lightly. "I messed up. I really, really messed up, and I'm sorry." He glanced away, helplessly. "I thought... I don't know. I thought maybe, by coming back here, I could fix things. Make them go back to the way they were."

"_Nihon_," Yao said with the barest scolding tone, "you know life doesn't work like that, aru." He cradled Kiku's chin, tilting it up. "It's your job to make them better, aru. To fix what you can, and then move on, aru."

He stepped back and turned toward the house, smiling at Kiku over his shoulder. "Now for heaven's sake, come inside before you catch cold, aru."

Kiku took a few steps after him, then halted, briefly. He could hear the voices of his siblings floating from the open windows - the sounds of family, of home. He had a chance to earn that back.

The feather in his hands glowed slightly, the faintest bit of heat radiating through his fingers; and Kiku lifted his eyes to the night sky and smiled.

_I've heard it in the chilliest land  
__And on the strangest sea  
__Yet never in extremity  
__It asked a crumb of me_

~Fin~

***

NOTES

~Qing Long, sometimes shortened to Qinglong, is the Azure Dragon of the East, one of the four symbols of Chinese constellations. In Japan he is known as Seiryuu. Huanglong is the hornless dragon representing the emperor (which explains why China's boss is a dragon...).

~ In China, the _fenghuang_ (phoenix, or "king of all birds") is seen as the partner to the dragon and is the ying to the dragon's yang. Originally it was portrayed as two birds: _feng_ (male) and _huang_ (female), but they were later combined to form the dragon's counterpart. The _fenghuang_ represents the empress, whereas the dragon represents the emperor (or females and males in general, respectively.) Unlike Arabian legend, the _fenghuang_ does not go through a cycle of death and rebirth by fire; however, it is associated with the element of fire, and I blended the myths a bit to represent the Westernization of Japan.

~_Tomoshibi_ means "light" or "lamp" in Japanese.

~_Kitai_ means hope/wish/anticipation. Also, I 3 Dickenson.

~When I was looking up national animals, I discovered that Japan's was a pheasant (hence his early comments) and decided "Screw that, he gets a phoenix." It wasn't until afterwards that I found out the connection between phoenix and dragon in Chinese mythology (and went a little nuts with it, whoops), but it fit everything I wanted to do with this fic _so perfectly_. I knew I wanted his familiar to be a bird because of the poem, but the link between their cultures was serendipitous. And then I looked over the list again and found out that Greece's national bird is the phoenix, and I _had_ to include that because OMG TOO PERFECT. (Helios is Greece's phoenix, btw, named for the god whose chariot was the sun.)

~As mentioned in "Krieger", as the Nation-tans represent the people of their country, so the animal familiars represent their pride and nationalism. Japanese pride was incredibly low after the war, and understandably so; hence Tomoshibi's death. That doesn't mean it will always be like that, though... she is a phoenix, after all.

~_The Firebird Suite_ by Stravinsky was playing in my head almost the entire time I was working on this. Yes, including scenes from the _Fantasia 2000_ adaptation (which I absolutely love for its non-traditional portrayal of a phoenix).

~It really, really sucks to have to listen to your family fighting.

~There is some debate in the fandom as to what point in history marks where Kiku gave Yao his scar; because of this, the events of this fic may be slightly out of historical order. Sorry if that was confusing to anyone.

~Thank you to CJBlackwing, my lovely beta, who was ever-so-patient with my slacking self and beta'd this _even though_ she is doing NaNoWriMo. Go run off to her profile and send her happy messages.

~I'm going to do either America or England next (though both will be written at some point); feel free to cast your votes and suggest others!

~Reviews make a happy authoress~ Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed!


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